Serious question: are you a boob man, ass man, or leg man?

Reaper – Acid Queen
Sam has a personal stake in finding a female escaped soul who has returned to kill women who are more beautiful than she is—and her next target is Andi. Meanwhile, Sam tells Sock and Ben they can’t be friends with Steve and Tony.

Sam tries to call Cady, but she doesn’t respond. The boys are bummed that they can’t be friends with Steve & Tony anymore (last week we learned S&T are demons). Andi apologizes to Sam for saying Cady is weird, and FINALLY admits, right to his face, that she likes him. He hesitates (out of shock, duh) but she backtracks and says it’s nothing.

Steve & Tony appear bearing apricot muffins, and the boys can’t resist them. Steve & Tony, not the muffins. S&T feel bad that the boys have been avoiding them, and the boys say they need space to figure things out. S&T are furious that they’ve been dumped. Later, Sock and Ben feel terrible and are desperate to be friends with S&T again.

After the confession, Andi is embarrassed and can’t stay in the same vicinity as Sam long enough for him to tell her he likes her back. Seriously, the relationship between these two is ridiculous. To quote Lily from HIMYM, “Just be together already! Happiness is not that difficult.”

This week the soul is an ex-model, Nikki, who is jealous of other beautiful girls so she burns them with acid. The boys go to a modeling agency and find a young guy to help them (who happens to be Tyler Labine’s brother). The vessel is a little plastic container of soap bubbles, like the ones kids play with. Sam tells Steve & Tony that he knows they’re demons, and they equate Sam’s distaste with homophobia. It’s pretty funny.

Sam and Andi have coffee and dance around the issue yet again, but he invites her over Friday night. The devil ribs him, and Sam claims he will break up with Cady before anything happens with Andi. The boys rig up a ridiculously complicated scheme to find Nikki and of course they lose her. Sock and Ben drop Sam off at the apartment building, then go to get food. In a badly needed departure from the norm, finally, Nikki shows up to kill Sam and he is rescued by a winged demon – who happens to be Steve. Ever since last week I’ve had a craving to watch Wet Hot American Summer, and seeing Michael Ian Black and Ken Marino again this week is intensifying it.

The devil tells Sam not to bother with Steve & Tony because they’re “bureaucrats.” Sam apologizes to Steve. Steve won’t accept. Sam tells Steve that he talks to the devil because his parents sold his soul. Steve suddenly agrees to forgive Sam. Something is clearly up. Tony gets the boys tickets to a party honoring the 20 prettiest women in Seattle, but its the same night as Sam’s date with Andi. She walks up while they’re discussing it, and Tony covers for Sam, telling Andi that Sam asked for a ticket for her as well.

At the party, Andi kisses Sam. At the same moment, Cady calls. I hope this doesn’t end with Sam losing both girls when they find out he kissed Andi before he broke up with Cady. Andi walks out, and Nikki goes after her. The boys save Andi just in time, but during their escape attempt Sam flips the car. Sam gets the soul, but Andi is taken to the hospital with a concussion. Sam feels awful in the usual superhero “I can’t be close to anyone cause they will always get hurt” way.

When Andi wakes up, Sam tries to convince her that she’s imagining everything that happened because of the concussion. She’s not buying it. He says there are things he won’t ever be able to tell her, but losing her is not a risk he’s willing to take. He leaves, and Andi cries.

Back at the ranch, Steve pops into the hallway and invites Sam in. He takes Sam into a creepy hidden room, where he says the devil can’t hear or see them. He says Sam is different because the devil pals around with him, and that the devil finds him fascinating. “All of us have our reasons to fight the devil. We have our reasons, and you have yours.” Hmmmm. The last time Reaper threw a seemingly interesting plot twist at us, it was a hint that Sam’s father had a deeper relationship with the devil than previously thought. That went absolutely nowhere. So I’m skeptical.

Also, sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the world who watches this show. Reaper returns to Tuesday on April 22.

ANTM Cycle 10: Lame Photo Shoot Edition

America’s Next Top Model – House of Pain
Tyra teaches the models how to express themselves at the end of a runway; the winner of a pose challenge is selected to work with photographer and judge Nigel Barker; and three of the girls get upset when one girl’s alarm clock keeps going off during the night.

Dominique sets her alarm for 6 am every day even though she doesn’t plan on getting up that early. Claire, Stacy-Ann, and the other girls in the room are irritated. Dominique claims she doesn’t understand how to use the alarm, and is a total brat about it. There is a lot of screaming and Dominique cries because everyone gangs up on her. Good lord, this bitch needs to be taken down a peg or two. Or twenty.

Tyra takes time out for a special lesson because all the judges have complained about the girls’ runway walks. During the lesson she dramatically collapses, pretending to sprain her ankle in order to teach them how to “pose with pain.” Tyra is so freaking weird, I love it. The models have another pose-off. Tyra thinks Whitney, Anya, and Dominique are good. Lauren does really badly. Aimee and Claire don’t do very well either. It turns out that this was their challenge, and Anya wins a one-on-one photo shoot with Nigel. A nude photo shoot. Nice one.

I had drinks with a friend last week who told me Anya’s accent, which I described in an earlier post as “deaf,” is actually what a Hawaiian accent sounds like. Oops. But really, she is going to have to work on that because the judges have already started to complain about it. In a side interview, Aimee talks about how she wouldn’t want to be pose naked because she’s Mormon and her body is a temple. She’s in for some trouble.

Dominique doesn’t feel well, so she gets into bed to rest. Claire, Lauren, and Whitney enter the room, sit on the couch, and loudly trash Dominique. When she asks them to leave the room, Claire basically tells her to fuck off. In tears, Dominique says, “You’re a really big person,” and Claire responds, “I never claimed to be a big person.” These girls are going to start throwing punches pretty soon.

For the photo shoot, each girl has to embody a style of music. It’s not one of the better shoots. Jay is not into Stacy-Ann, Claire, Aimee, or Anya. Dominique and Whitney both do well.

Cover Girl of the Week is Claire. Again! I wonder if her bitchiness will affect next week’s vote. In the judging room, the judges praise Whitney, Fatima, Lauren, and Katarzyna. They are not so happy with Anya, Aimee, Stacy-Ann, or Dominique. Tyra says this was Claire’s worst shoot.

It’s interesting how the girls who are praised during the shoot are often shot down in the judging room. Jay said this was one of Dominique’s best shoots, yet the judges didn’t like the final product. Gotta keep those models on their toes!



In the end Whitney wins, which makes no sense to me. So far all of Whitney’s photos involve the same facial expression. Katarzyna comes in second, but she should have won. I am growing to love Katarzyna. Tyra and the judges adore the wig she wore for the shoot, so they decide to chop off the rest of her hair. Perhaps now they will stop comparing her to a porn star.

Claire and Aimee are in the bottom two. Claire is “too comical and blasé,” while Aimee, who had the easiest genre (R&B), “fell flat.” Aimee is voted out, and Claire screams “YES!” While I respect the sentiment, it seems really mean to be so overtly thrilled while another girl dissolves in tears next to her. She doesn’t even hug Aimee before she bounces off to stand with the other girls, and that’s just poor ANTM etiquette.

Sloppy joe, shrimp cocktail, and a milkshake.

How I Met Your Mother – Ten Sessions
Ted is repeatedly snubbed in his attempts to get a date with Stella, his dermatologist, but her receptionist Abby becomes infatuated with him.

When I first read the TV Guide preview about this episode (above), I thought,"Wait, Ted falls for another dermatologist?!?" Fortunately, the ep focused less on the fact that she was a dermatologist and more on the fact that he was getting a butterfly tattoo removed. There is a bit of chatter on the web about whether Stella could be the mother we've all been waiting to meet, and whether adult Ted's kids could actually be her kids. However, this ep told us that Stella has one 8-year-old daughter, and there is no way the daughter we see in the flash-forwards is 8 years (or more) older than the son.

I also keep seeing stories online today about how Britney's performance on HIMYM is a huge step forward for her. She was kind of a bad actress, but I can forgive that because she isn't an actress to start. It was nice to see Sarah Chalke (Stella) again, who was terrific as always. Overall an enjoyable episode, except the speed date that Ted orchestrates at the end was sort of lame. I particularly disliked that they kept getting in and out of the taxi. There was also a distinct lack of focus on the other friends. Particularly Marshall. Boo.

But, there were two moments of pure HIMYM genius, perfect examples of why I love this show: great attention to detail and a nicely conveyed sense of everything coming together to lead Ted to his fate.

#1: Barney convinces Ted that Stella likes guys with mustaches, so naturally Ted grows one. Then, we flashback to a year earlier, where we see Barney bet anyone $10 he can get Ted to grow a mustache, and we see Ted take the bet.
#2: Ted can't believe Stella can know what her answer will be to a question he won't ask for 10 weeks. He asks his friends if they know what they will want for lunch in 10 weeks, and Marshall responds, "sloppy joe, shrimp cocktail, and a milkshake." 10 weeks later, guess what Marshall is eating? But what I love is that the writers don't shove it down your throat. Marshall's not crowing about how he knew what he would want for lunch, waving his milkshake in everyone's faces. Instead, it's a relatively subtle reveal that some viewers may have missed entirely if they weren't paying attention.

I'm not super impressed.

Lost – Meet Kevin Johnson
Ben knows about an impending attack to he prompts daughter Alex to escape from Locke’s camp. On the freighter, Sayid confronts Ben’s spy.

The episode tonight was a little different. Locke trotted out Miles, who tells everyone at the barracks that they're after Ben. Ben volunteers the information that once they have him they will kill everyone on the island. Of course they all want to know how Ben knows this so he tells everyone his spy on the boat is Michael. Ben tells Alex, Carl and Rousseau to head to "the temple," where the rest of the Others are hiding. They agree to go, and en route Rousseau and Carl are shot dead by a mysterious sniper. Alex says she's Ben's daughter and the shooting stops.

Sayid and Desmond are still on the freighter. They have very few answers as to why Michael is there. They have a brief encounter when he says he's there to die. Sayid and Desmond finally get him alone and Sayid makes him tell his story. He and Walt got off the island and made it back to the mainland. Walt won't speak with him because he knows what Michael did to get them off the island. Tom Friendly shows up off island to recruit Michael to be a spy on the freighter for Ben. Michael has been trying to kill himself but no matter what he can't. Tom tells Michael that the island isn't finished with him yet, so whatever he tries won't work. He also shows Michael a receipt for a 777 and the graveyard in Thailand where the bodies were dug up from and placed in the 777 at the bottom of the ocean that was all paid for by Charles Widmore. Eventually Michael agrees to get on the freighter to make amends for killing Ana Lucia and Libby, and to help get everyone off the island.

There are a few stunts that happen. Miles says something creepy about how he knows Michael's name isn't Kevin Johnson. Michael stumbles on some guys shooting skeet off the boat and they laugh when he says he thought they were on a rescue mission. When Michael tries to set off a bomb to take out the freighter, a little note pops up instead that says "not yet." This was something Ben rigged up because he calls Michael later saying he's Walt and tells Michael that there are innocent people on the boat and he doesn't kill innocent people. Michael then goes about sabotaging the ship right and left by disabling her communications equipment and the engines. Sayid hears all of this, twists Michael's arm behind his back, and hauls him off to the Captain's quarters, turning him in for sabotage.

• Keanu Nolte (Frank) says that he's out there because he and Charles Widmore thinks there are survivors from Oceanic 815. The men with guns don't seem to care much about survivors. It will be interesting to see what's going on here.
• It's official. Aaron is one of the Oceanic 6. That blows my theory about something happening between Claire, Jack, and Kate that has Kate ending up with Aaron.
• Everything Desmond says he sees has come true. He also told Charlie that he saw Claire getting on a chopper to get off the island. I wonder how this is going to work out.
• Judging by the preview for the next episode I think Claire might be in trouble. I think we're going to get a full dose of Lost when they're all back and put together.

Sorry there isn't much to say about this episode. It was an essential episode if you want to know what's going on, but it wasn't particularly exciting. I can't say I was super impressed. Maybe I'll think of something later, and I'll write about it. I think I'm going to rewatch this episode this weekend, and maybe a few others. Since we have a bit of a break I'll post about some theories I have and what not. Until then...

I’m not into dudes, but I think I’m in love with Steve and Tony.

Reaper – Unseen
After being kicked out of the house, Sock persuades Sam and Ben to move with him to a condo where their new neighbors, a gay couple, spoil them with home-cooked meals. Meanwhile, Sam is suspicious about Cady.

Ok, I missed the beginning, but apparently Sam starts to think Cady is the spawn of Satan because she snores really loud and bowls an excellent game – and when her ball goes into the gutter it then pops back out and she gets a strike, so he gets really suspicious.

Ted’s back! Sock wants the boys to move in together, so he forges Sam & Ben’s names on a lease without telling them. The guys are reticent, but finally agree. Sam’s parents don’t think he’s ready to live on his own. Isn’t this guy like 22?

The escaped soul was a hermit who “made the Unabomber look like a social butterfly.” His old hunting grounds have been turned into a city park, and he’s killing people right and left. When Sam admits he hasn’t told Cady he’s moving, Andi is intrigued. I swear to god, if I have to hear her say, “Sam and I are just friends” one more time, I’m going to lose my mind. This show really needs to fucking move on.

This week’s vessel is a countertop food processor. In the Work Bench Sam kisses Cady and a pane of glass behind her starts to crack. When he stops, the cracks stop. When he kisses her again, the cracking starts again. This makes him more suspicious. It turns out the soul is invisible, and on the first attempt to capture him he nearly chokes Sam to death because Sock can’t figure out how to work the vessel. The devil gives Sam a pair of glasses that will allow him to see the true face of evil. Sam refuses them, saying he doesn’t need the devil’s help. Hasn’t Sam learned anything yet?

The boys meet their next-door neighbors, a gay couple with a seemingly perfect life. When the couple invites them in, Sock says, “No thanks, we’re straight.” Steve and Tony offer to cook them a home-cooked meal. Sam is inspired by their state-of-the-art security system, particularly the motion detectors.

In the end, Sam manages to capture the soul through his ingenuity, and the devil gives him the aforementioned glasses in congratulations. Sam asks the devil if Cady is his daughter, and the devil says no. Sam uses the glasses on Cady, and is surprised to see that nothing is wrong with her. Cady, fed up with Sam, says she needs space.

Because the CW posts photos of episodes that have not yet aired, I unfortunately already know what’s in store at the end of this episode. Steve and Tony are demons who shave down their horns with power sanders. Sam catches them doing so, though they don’t see him.

Fun side note: the closed captioning turns “crab dip” into “crap dip.” Twice.

ANTM Cycle 10: Vogue Edition

America’s Next Top Model – Top Model Takes It To The Streets
Supermodel Vendela gives the ladies tips on posing for catalog, commercial, and couture shoots to prepare them for a posing competition on the streets of New York City.

I can’t believe just a few short episodes ago I liked Dominique. Because now I hate her. So does Whitney. Claire describes Marvita as a “crazy hood rat” (not to her face). Whitney is proud of her curves (she’s the “plus-sized” model, remember). But ever since they dyed her hair blond during the makeover episode she keeps getting compared to Anna Nicole Smith, so she’s irritated.

Vendela and Benny Ninja teach the girls about posing in different situations (couture, commercial, and catalog). I don’t know who Benny Ninja is but the girls are thrilled.

Dominique blames Whitney for something stupid. Whitney tells Dominique she doesn’t respect her. Dominique tells Whitney she’s racist. Whitney’s reply? “My best friend is black!”

As much as I judge these bitches I hate to say – and anyone who knows me will agree – as an individual who has a horrible inability to control her facial expressions when dealing with people she dislikes, I would be absolutely hated if I were on this show. So I guess I’ve learned something from ANTM: keep quiet and control yourself!

The girls are split into two teams for a posing battle. The winning team gets to go to a swag tent. This seems like a weird prize. From the side interviews, it becomes apparent that nobody likes Dominique. Fatima describes Whitney as “the cheerleader in high school who sleeps with all the football players.”

The team of girls I like wins. Hooray! In the individual judging, Claire wins a trip to Bora Bora. The other girls are shocked that the prize is so big. Marvita starts to worry that she’ “too ghetto” for the competition.

During their photo shoot, the girls have to take close-up shots with paint splattered on them. Usually I try to make a list of who’s good and bad, but they all do pretty well. Woah, except Fatima and Marvita. They suck. Jay calls Marvita a “disaster.” She has clearly lost her confidence.

You can see armpit hair in Fatima’s photo, and the judges attack her when she says she doesn’t shave. Vendela doesn’t think Whitney is taking the competition seriously enough. They all agree that that in the judging room, Aimee looks like a “real girl” instead of a model. That’s bad.

Claire wins Cover Girl Model of the Week for the fourth time in a row. I didn’t watch the last two cycles of ANTM, but as far as I know no model has had a solid run through the entire show. Can she do it?

Paulina loves Lauren, yet still describes her as “lumbering like Young Frankenstein.” Stacy-Ann takes the best photo. The bottom two are Marvita and Whitney. Even though it’s clear that Marvita has given up, I still liked her. She’s really sweet to the other girls in her goodbye.

I will probably regret this, but currently my prediction is that it will come down to Lauren and Claire. Although Stacy-Ann has a lot of potential too. And snap! In the scenes from next week, the girls come down hard on Dominique for being a crazy bitch. Hallelujah!

Site News

Posts will likely be spotty for the rest of the week. Our office is moving to a brand-new location and trying to pack and work at the same time is wreaking havoc on our mental state. We will for sure post on ANTM and Lost, but everything else is up in the air.

How is "racist ghost" better than "crooked apartment?"

How I Met Your Mother – No Tomorrow
Ted decides to live like Barney on St. Patrick’s Day, which involves activities that would make a saint blush.

The above description, from TV Guide, is kind of misleading as nothing that bad happened in last night's ep. Ted tries to live like hedonistic Barney for a night and enjoys it until it he realizes that he's been a complete tool. Marshall and Lily discover that their new, expensive apartment has crooked floors, so they have to move back in with Ted while they get them fixed. Which certainly will be a long process. And Britney Spears guest stars next week, which makes me shudder. Ugh. However, the reappearance of HIMYM (plus a recent viewing of some Undeclared eps) has rekindled my love for Jason Segel. Also, Josh Radnor went to my college. I discovered this when I received an alumni bulletin not too long ago. Crazy!

The Professor Speaks

Lost – Ji Yeon
Juliet is forced to reveal startling news to Jin when Sun threatens to go to Locke’s camp. Sayid and Desmond begin to get an idea of the freighter crew’s mission when they meet the ship’s captain.

I was killing time before this episode, while re-watching last week’s less-than-stellar effort, by screwing around on ABC.com. They have a handy little tool with which you can get a nickname from Sawyer. You just answer a few questions about your particulars and it gives you a nickname. I’m “The Professor.” I think I like the name, only it seems like I’m ripping off one of those And 1 ballers. Screw that, I’m so white they named a wall paint after me. It’s called “So White You Can See Through It.” Speaking of Sawyer, we’d better get a heavy dose of Sawyer this week because I need me some sarcasm. If you want me to give you a nickname just leave your particulars in the comments and I’ll be happy to oblige.

On the freighter, the big bald guy asks Keanu Nolte (Frank) if he’s ready. Frank says that he’ll be up soon. Big guy says he’ll be there. He runs into Regina, who is Australian. She’s reading a book upside down. I couldn’t quite catch what it was. After the show I’ll check the boards. He meets Desmond and Sayid locked in the sickbay. Apparently Frank didn’t let the two of them out of the sickbay before. He gives them lima beans to eat. Thanks for the lima beans, Keanu Nolte. They actually seem like what a human-animal hybrid of Keanu Reeves and Nick Nolte would feed you. Sayid says he wants to talk to the captain and Keanu Nolte turns around and says, “No you don’t.”

On the island, Jin wants to talk about baby names. He’s convinced it’s going to be a girl. Sun doesn’t want to talk about it. She’s more concerned about getting off the island. Is it a flashback or flash forward? Sun is in a hotel. She looks a little woozy and … whoa. She calls 911 (or the Korean version) and says she needs an ambulance because she’s pregnant and something is wrong. Well, well, well, we have another of the Oceanic 6 on our hands. Do we have another flashback or flash forward? This time it’s Jin. He runs into a store and looks frantic. He needs a panda. Jin isn’t very particular he just wants any old panda. Looks like this is a flash forward, but I’m still not sure. Back on the island, Sun says Jack and Kate are back. She’s all kinds of pissed off at Juliet and talks trash about her. Kate makes a good point: iall the things Daniel and Charlotte have talked about, none of it involves rescue. I wouldn’t be too psyched about having those two around either.

On the boat, Desmond notices a note thrown underneath the door while he was sleeping. Sayid says, “It’s a note.” Good work genius. The note says, “Don’t trust the captain.” That’s the way to make a plan, guys. Back on the island, Sun introduces herself to Daniel and tells him she’s two months pregnant. She flat-out asks him if he’s there to rescue them. Daniel says it’s not really his call and obviously Sun wants to know who can make the call. Dan doesn’t answer and Sun says something snotty and walks off.

Jin and Jack have a nice little conversation in English. Yay! Jin has learned English in twenty days or so. He must be superhuman because after three years of Spanish in high school I can only count to ten and say, “I’m all good.” I also know how to say “my pork is good” but that isn’t really important. Sun tells Jin he needs to find food for two days and meet her at their tent in twenty minutes because they’re going to Locke’s camp. I don’t know who to trust more. Locke is a total badass but Jack hasn’t really led anyone wrong. Actually I’d probably do what Sun wants to do. If Daniel couldn’t say whether they were going to rescue anyone or not I would have headed straight for the barracks too. Juliet stumbles on Sun trying to find something. Sun tells her she wants prenatal vitamins and Juliet figures out that Sun wants to go somewhere. Sun spills that she’s going to Locke’s camp and Juliet tells her she can’t go because Locke doesn’t want to leave and she’ll get sick. Sun says screw that and heads for the barracks.

Flash forward. Sun is in the hospital and won’t take off her ring. They give her something for the pain. The doctor says the baby is in distress. This is intense. Sun says to get Jin. The doctor says he’s sure Jin will be here soon and Sun passes out. They flash to Jin and he has the oldest cell phone in the world. It looks old even for 2004. Someone knocks the phone out of Jin’s hand and it gets run over by a car. Jin hails a cab and puts the panda in the back seat, but then someone steals his cab and it drives off. WTF? Who steals a stuffed panda? Weird. Jin wants another panda and there is one behind the guy at the register. He throws down some serious change because he really wants that panda.

Back on the island Kate tells Sun and Jin how to get to the barracks. She says she’s going to tell Jack but she’ll give Sun a head start. Juliet storms in and says Sun can’t go. Juliet tells Jin that if he lets Sun go to the barracks his wife will be in danger. Juliet pleads with Sun, but she just walks off. In retaliation, Juliet tells Jin that Sun had an affair. What a bitch! Sun looks like she’s going to kill Juliet. She slaps her good and I think she deserves it. Jin gets this look on his face and walks off. He is really mad. I wonder if we’re going to go back to the angry, controlling Jin that Sun hates.

Sun runs over to Jin. He is very upset and doesn’t want to talk to her. He won’t even look at her. Sun apologizes but Jin is having none of it. Bernard asks to go fishing with Jin and then realizes he walked into the middle of something upsetting. Jin looks at him and tells him to come anyway. Bernard tells Jin that Rose has cancer and is dying. He says that Rose thinks the island healed her, that she didn’t want to go with Locke, and that staying with Jack was the right thing to do. Locke is a murderer and it is good karma to be with Jack. Good stuff happens when you’re with good people. Jin catches a fish and obviously they’re the good guys. If you could hear the sound I made with my mouth you would know how cheesy I thought this was.

On the boat Desmond is pacing. There is some sort of tapping sound. Sayid says he thinks someone is banging on the pipes. I wish I understood Morse code because I’d bet money that’s some sort of message. The doctor comes in and says the Captain would like to see them. Regina comes out of a doorway with a bunch of chains wrapped around her and jumps off the boat into the water. I just saw a black guy with a hoodie … was that Michael? Holy crap I wish I had TiVo right now! Captain Gault comes out and says that it’s over and to let it go. He supposes Desmond and Sayid have a few questions. He should have said that with more scorn in his tone.

Desmond and Sayid want to know why the Captain did nothing to help Regina. Gault says the crew is dealing with some sort of cabin fever and they have a saboteur. Gault says that Charles Widmore hired him and Desmond gets all wobbly eyed and says he knows Widmore. That’s Penny’s dad in case you forgot. Gault takes them into his quarters and pulls out the black box from Oceanic 815. The captain says he knows that the fake 815 crash site is a lie. He says some interesting things about how someone went to a lot of trouble to fake the death of 324 people, and that Ben is behind it and they want to catch him. I’m conflicted again. I don’t know who is out for what. Obviously Charlotte and Daniel didn’t release poison gas on the island but they aren’t there to rescue anyone, and they seem to understand that survivors of 815 might be on the island.

Back on the island, Juliet apologizes to Sun. She says she had to stop Jin and Sun from leaving in any way that she could because their best chance at survival is staying on the beach. She describes what happens to pregnant women on the island. She’s really pulling at Sun’s heartstrings to get her to stay.

Flash forward. The doctor says he must perform a c-section on Sun because the pain medicine is making it too difficult for her to have the baby naturally. Sun starts pushing and the baby starts coming out. Obviously this was not expected. She really squeezed that little baby out. If this scene doesn’t convince women not to have babies, nothing will. Jin and Sun have a baby daughter…YAY! My black heart finally feels something.

On the boat Sayid and Desmond are led to the room where they will be staying. There is blood on the wall from brain splatter and there are mice in the room. The doctor calls over a cleaning guy to clean up the blood and holy scneikes I was right. It is Michael! His name is Kevin now. Desmond and Sayid play it off like they’ve never met and they just shake hands but give him that knowing look. It’s almost like the intense look John Black does on Days of Our Lives. I hope Sayid tortures information out of Michael.

On the island Sun is making her bed. Jin brings her dinner. How sweet, he’s going to forgive her. Sun tries to explain why she cheated on him but Jin doesn’t let her. Jin says he understands she did it because of the man he was then. Jin forgives her. Awww. Sun is soooo happy. Jin says he will go to Locke’s camp if Sun wants, but she has changed her mind. She will do anything to try and get off the island now. Jin just wants to know if the baby is his. Sun tells him yes. They’re so happy and I just want to squeeze both of them! People could learn a lot from these two.

Jin goes into the hospital and the security guy won’t let him in, but tells him it’s a boy. He’s a messenger from Sun’s dad and he has a gift for the Chinese ambassador. He presents the panda to the ambassador and it’s not Sun who just had the baby. It’s a flashback. Damn it, those tricky bastards! Flash forward. Sun pulls her wedding ring out of a plastic baggie and puts it on. Hurley shows up at her door. He is dressed nicely and Sun wants him to hold the baby. Apparently she looks just like Jin. Oh no … Hurley and Sun go to see Jin’s headstone in a graveyard. This is unspeakably sad. Sun tells Jin’s grave that she named their daughter Ji Yeon just like he wanted.

• First thing is easy since it’s fresh in my mind. The date on Jin’s grave was 9/22/04, which is the same day of the plane crash. Either that’s a fake grave, Jin died trying to get Sun off of the island, or he’s alive but still on the island. It seems like Sun would be less upset if he was alive, but maybe the Oceanic 6 were told they can never go back or see anyone on the island again.
• Why was Hurley ok with no one else coming to see the baby? Also, I think this flash forward happens before he commits himself to the sanitarium.
• I did some looking and the book that Regina had upside down was The Survivors of the Chancellor by Jules Verne. It’s a novel about a shipwrecked boat. It seems to have some vague similarities with Flight 815.
• Regina and Minkowski are the only two people to talk to anyone on the island via satellite phone. Now they’re both dead. I wonder if that’s just coincidence?
• Next episode is called “Meet Kevin Johnson” and hopefully they clarify where Walt is. I can’t think of any reason Michael would just leave Walt somewhere after he fought so hard to keep him.
• Who is the good guy? Either Charles Widmore or Ben Linus faked the plane crash. Widmore certainly has the money to make something like that happen, and he seemed to know the island existed before the crash. Ben Linus has an interest as well, but I’m still not sure what kind of means he has beyond the island.
• So Hurley, Jack, Kate, Sayid, and Sun got off the island. Does Aaron count? That would close up the mystery of who the Oceanic 6 are, but I’m not convinced Aaron was one of the people who got off the island.
• Who will die next week? It could be Claire, Bernard, Sawyer, or someone else.
• Where did Frank go on the helicopter?
• For two episodes now Miles has been stuck in the boathouse with a grenade in his mouth. I might freak out if I don’t find out what happens there.

Hey, did you just fly in here?

Reaper – Hungry for Fame
Sam tries to stop an untalented musician from selling his soul to the Devil to become a star. Meanwhile, Sock is shocked when his mom returns from a quickie marriage in Vegas. Rufusing to accept her new husband, he moves in with Sam.

To be honest I haven’t missed Reaper much, but it is nice to see Sock again. Funny how that single character makes the whole show for me. Reaper has moved to Supernatural’s place on Thursday nights; I’m wondering where it will move when SN comes back. I wouldn’t think moving it around so much would be a good idea.

Sock’s mom arrives home from Vegas married to an Asian cowboy. Sam is making out with Cady in his room when she finds the necklace he bought for Andi, and she thinks it’s a present for her. Sock arrives, distraught over his mom’s wedding, and moves in with Sam. At work, Andi is super casual. I can’t remember where we left these two but I can already tell their pointless hot-and-cold relationship is going to continue. Sam finds he has super strength and the Devil appears to send him after a soul who eats people’s brains. Andi meets Cady and sees her wearing the necklace. So naturally, she starts acting jealous. Sam admits the truth to Cady and she storms out. The relationship angst in this show is kind of pathetic. Later, Cady confronts Sam and he says he doesn’t have feelings for Andi anymore. Lies!

Jaime Kennedy plays Ryan, a terrible street musician to whom the Devil introduces himself, offering to make him a star. Concerned, Sam tries to stop Ryan from selling his soul for fame. However, when he goes to find Ryan he instead finds posters for a huge concert and realizes that the Devil has gotten to Ryan first. Sam tries to convince Ryan that this “record company executive” is really the Devil trying to steal his soul, and Ryan says, “I’ll worry about my soul when I’m dead.”

The boys find the escaped soul, Phillip, and it appears that Reaper is going to stick with the same stale, formulaic plot development. They visit Phillip’s mom and pretend that he was their camp counselor. The mom is adorable and sweet, refusing to believe that her son is a monster. As the boys wait for Phillip to show up at his mom’s, Sock sneaks inside and finds her dead, coming face to face with Phillip. When Phillip attacks Sock, Sam shoots him and sends him to hell.

During the commercial break, Sock and Sam are in a little bit about using CFL light bulbs, but they neglect to mention the whole mercury issue. Back to the show. Sam decides to release Phillip in front of Ryan to scare him, which seems like an ill-advised plan. Once free, Phillip bites Ryan’s hand off. That was both unexpected and awesome. Sam runs after Phillip, and shoots him again.

One weird thing about this show is that it always seems really, really long. Also, I feel like it has more commercial breaks than most shows.

Sock goes back home and apologizes to his mom. They make up, but then she tells him he’s an adult and he needs to move out. Cady goes to make amends with Andi, and ends up telling Andi that she once slashed someone’s tires. I can’t tell if she’s fucking with Andi or if she’s actually supposed to be crazy. Regardless, this actress plays crazy quite well. The Devil appears at the Work Bench, irritated that Sam took Ryan’s soul away from him, and trashes the entire store. That is one thing I really like about this show -- the Devil is all cutesy and buddy-buddy with Sam until Sam does something to piss him off, and then BAM!

ANTM Cycle 10: Meat Edition

America’s Next Top Model – Where’s the Beef?
The models visit the meatpacking district and pose with racks of beef. Cycle 8 winner Jaslene judges a runway challenge and hurts one contestant’s feelings with some harsh criticism.

Tyra Banks looks insane in the credits this cycle. Once again Fatima is a bitch, muttering “stupid” under her breath when Amis talks.

The girls meet Jay at a fire station to learn how to runway walk. They have to “quick change” in 90 seconds, then walk in front of a bunch of firefighters, who look kind of embarrassed. They don’t actually show Jay teaching the girls anything, but I assume that part is on the cutting room floor. Jay is hard on Dominique, Fatima, Lauren, and Amis. Amis is always terrible. She’s gotta be sent home soon.

Aimee is uncomfortable being naked in front of other people so she gets upset when the girls want her to leave the bathroom door unlocked while she showers. Whitney stands up for her, and somehow Fatima turns it around so everyone gangs up on Whitney. God Fatima sucks. I am quickly growing to hate both her and Dominique, who calls Whitney “white trash” behind her back.

In their challenge, the girls have to quick-change all by themselves and participate in a Tuleh fashion show. An editor from Seventeen and Cycle 8 winner Jaslene are there to judge them. Whitney accidentally flashes the audience, Lauren's walk is stiff and terrible, Fatima’s shirt is buttoned wrong, and Amis is just plain awful. After the show, Jaslene asks Lauren if she really wants to be there. Lauren manages to wait until she’s in private, then cries. Katarzyna wins the challenge. She gets to pick two friends to be in a Seventeen photo shoot with her, and she picks Amis and Marvita.

For the photo shoot, the girls are taken to the meatpacking district, where they have to wear bikinis made of raw meat. Once again, Amis is terrible. Also, because she doesn’t take 2 hours to get ready, the girls think she is too casual about what she wears to panel. While I kind of hope Tyra says her outfit is cute just to shut the rest of them up, my guess is that Amis will be gone tonight.

In the judging room, the judges are hard on Stacy Ann, Aimee, Fatima, and Marvita. They are sweet on Whitney, Anya, and Lauren (though Jay belittles her runway walk). Tyra does rip Amis for her outfit.

For the third time in a row, Claire is voted Cover Girl of the Week by the fans. While the judges deliberate, Nigel says Whitney is the best in the competition. Go Whitney! But she’s the “plus-sized” model so she won’t win.

Anya wins even though Lauren’s photo is amazing, and Tyra tells Lauren if her runway walk had been better she would have been called first. Fatima and Amis are in the bottom two. As predicted, Amis is eliminated. That was too, too obvious. She is sweet, grateful, and good-natured in her exit interview.

Help me, Brain. Help me figure out something good to say to Angela.

My So Called Life – In Dreams Begin Responsibilities
Brian is enlisted to help Jordan win Angela back. Graham’s dream of opening a restaurant is becoming a reality, and Rickie finally finds an accepting home.

Angela has a recurring dream about Jordan in which she screams at him for how he’s hurt and betrayed her, but he just stands there motionless. In real life, Jordan is silently pining for Angela. He tries to talk to her but she ignores him, so he asks Brian to help him say something that will win her back. Brian points out the irony that Jordan can get any girl’s phone number, but is afraid to tell Angela he’s sorry. Jordan is not amused.

Brian is understandably reticent about helping, but A) he wants to make Angela happy, and B) he is unable to turn down the opportunity to express his true feelings to her. He tells Jordan what to say, and it works but Jordan can’t carry it off when she tries to continue the conversation. Jordan returns to Brian, who writes an letter that turns Angela to mush. Brian, teeming with angst, confesses what he has done to Rickie.

Meanwhile, Delia has developed a crush on Rickie. When he finds out, he sees a chance to be “normal” so he asks her out. She tells him she thought he was gay, and he stops for a moment and then says, “Yeah, I’m gay. I’ve just never said it out loud before.” Yay Rickie! In other relationships we love, Sharon and Rayanne finally admit, out loud, that they are friends.

In parent world, the financial backers get cold feet about the restaurant so Graham cooks them a meal. They love it, and the restaurant is a go. Patty has a dream about her high school boyfriend, who happens to be in the restaurant business, so they make a date to meet up. Back in the day, this guy was like Patty’s “Jordan Catalano” – she gets all giggly and her voice goes up about two octaves when she talks to him.

Jordan shows up and keeps Patty company while she waits for her date, and she finally understands her daughter’s attraction to him. AND, we learn more about Jordan in a minute than we have all season when he says, “It’s like you think you’re safe or something, cause you can just walk away anytime. Because you don’t, like, need her. You don’t need anyone. But the thing you didn’t realize is … you’re wrong.”

Rickie, unable to let Angela believe a lie, tells her that Brian wrote the letter. In a complete circle back to the pilot, Angela and Brian meet in the street in front of her house. She is furious that the letter was a lie, and Brian replies, “No, I meant every word.” Angela FINALLY realizes that Brian is in love with her and they share a loaded look. But of course, when Jordan comes out of the house Angela gets into his car. She looks sadly at Brian as they pull away.

The end.


WRAP-UP
After two lovely months, I have finally reached the end of MSCL. I had a really great time writing these posts, and though the show has been off the air for 12 years, I hope some of you enjoyed reading them. I’ll leave you with a few choice bits from the extras:

A Conversation with Claire & Winnie
Not a lot of interesting stuff here, except when they talk about what would have happened with Brian and Angela had the show continued. Apparently Winnnie Holzman’s idea for second season was to have Angela embroiled in an inescapable “train wreck” of a relationship with Jordan, going to Brian for advice as a way to subtly make her romantic feelings toward him apparent. Eh. That doesn’t sound so great.

The Friends
A fun and interesting series of interviews with grown-up Devon Gummersall, AJ Langer, Wilson Cruz, and Devon Odessa. This segment focuses largely on Wilson Cruz – apparently Rickie was the first gay teenage character in American series television history. If you’d like to read more about this, there is a nice interview with Wilson Cruz here. They all look ok – actually Wilson Cruz looks amazing – but AJ Langer kind of looks like she’s had too much Botox. Sadly, Jared Leto is not a part of the special features at all.

The Wardrobe
One thing I found particularly interesting was the discussion of the wardrobe for the show, particularly the teen characters. Apparently they created a “closet” for each character containing a limited amount of clothing, and they would put together different outfits from each closet. It really is noticeable, particularly now in the age of high-fashion TV teens, that the MSCL characters wear the same clothes over and over again, and this lends to the realism of the show.

And, an excerpt from an essay by Joss Whedon (from the booklet notes):
“[MSCL] captured the momentous minutiae of adolescent life with such precision that it’s painful for me to think of even now … [The] tension, between feeling exactly what Angela feels and knowing so many things she doesn’t, made the show pulse with life. Nothing in the show is simple; the tenderest moment is undercut with brutal self-awareness, kindness toward one person inevitably hurts another … [and] we are left with the most crushing cliffhanger in history … [but] we have this much: a show that delivered more joy, laughs, pain, and cringing self-recognition than any before or since, all in less than one season … No show on TV has ever come close to capturing as truly the lovely pain of teendom as well as My So-Called Life.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. RIP MSCL.

My whole life is waiting for something to happen.

My So-Called Life – Weekend
Angela and Danielle are left home alone when Patty and Graham try to reconnect during a weekend trip. Rayanne handcuffs herself to Angela’s parents’ bed in a moment of recklessness. The second ep not voice-overed by Angela, this one is told from Danielle’s POV.

Danielle is perhaps the most ignored character on this show, even by the other characters, so an episode from her POV is kind of interesting but is really just filler. Graham and Patty go away for a romantic weekend with Graham’s brother Neil and his girlfriend. Camille gives Patty handcuffs to spice up the trip. Embarrassed, Patty hides them, though in her rush she accidentally packs the key. Graham abandons Patty for an entire day while he and Neil attempt to scrounge up some alcohol, so she gets wasted at dinner and they get kicked out of the hotel.

Meanwhile, Rayanne arrives at the Chase home to get something from Rickie. Predictably, she finds the handcuffs and chains herself to the bed. The kids try a variety of options to get her loose, finally calling Brian for help before taking the bed apart. In the course of all this, you hope that perhaps Angela and Rayanne will make up, or at least begin to repair their friendship, but this does not happen.

I loved Jordan Catalano so much, and talked about him so much, and thought about him so much... and then one day, I got over him.

My So-Called Life – Betrayal
After a drunken indiscretion with Jordan, Rayanne finds herself without Angela to celebrate winning the lead in the school play. Everyone who has ever watched MSCL remembers this episode, and the Our Town speech will tear your heart out every single time.

I have a particular soft spot in my heart for this one. When I first saw it at age 15, my best friend and I were in a fight. And even though our fight was nowhere near as severe, I wholeheartedly identified with the episode, particularly with Rayanne.

Angela, who has decided she is over Jordan Catalano, convinces Rayanne to try out for the school production of Our Town, and Rayanne blows everyone away. Angela has set her sights on Corey Helfrick, conveniently forgetting that Rickie had a crush on him in “Life of Brian,” and she flirts with him right in front of Jordan … to Jordan’s obvious consternation.

During a drunken evening, Rayanne and Jordan bond over their love for Angela and end up having sex in his car. Brian, who is filming footage for the video yearbook, accidentally-on-purpose gets the incident on tape. When Sharon asks for the video, Brian is forced to tell her what happened. Sharon goes to Delia for advice, unwittingly setting the rumor mill in motion. A flustered Brian turns to Rickie for help, and when Angela later tells Rickie that she has heard a ridiculous rumor, he is forced to tell her that it’s true.

Angela is so not over Jordan Catalano.

She goes to Brian’s to get proof of the incident – getting kind of giggly when she walks in on a shirtless Brian – but he tells her she doesn’t want to see it. Feeling lost, Rayanne goes to the Chase house and tells Patty what happened. Surprisingly, Patty can relate – in college, she slept with the boy her best friend liked.

Jordan attempts to talk to Angela, but she is cold to him and he quickly gives up. Rickie tells Angela not to let others control her, and her interpretation of that is to dress up like Rayanne and hit on Corey (you may remember that Corey once liked Rayanne). When she overhears Angela asking Corey if they can get drunk , Rayanne tells Angela that she is the one who lost everything, and “You lost a lousy selfish friend, a guy you never really had, you lost nothing!”

Rayanne gets the lead in the school play, and has no one to share the moment with. Rickie points out to Angela that her hitting on Corey when she knows Rickie likes him is just as bad as what Rayanne has done.

In the end, Rayanne performs an incredibly sad, loaded-with-meaning scene from Our Town, with Angela reading the part of a cast member who has gone home early. It doesn’t translate well here, but trust me when I say it is absolutely heartbreaking. If I remember correctly – and I guess we’ll find out soon enough – Angela and Rayanne do not make amends before the series finale. Their friendship is simply over, all because of one error in judgment.

See you guys at dinner!

Lost – The Other Woman
Juliet receives an unwelcome visitor from her past and is told to track down Charlotte and Farady to stop them from completing their mission. Ben offers Locke a deal he finds enticing.

Good afternoon fellow Losties. I am currently located in Seattle and have just sequestered myself at my favorite little Seattle coffee shop to watch Lost and leech their bandwidth thereby pissing off everyone else whose internet just got a lot slower. Mwahaha.

Flashback: So Juliet is on the island and she has to talk to a therapist named Harper. They don’t talk long because they’re interrupted when Tom pops in to tell Juliet that Ben wants to see her. Juliet and Harper certainly don’t seem like they like each other very much right from the start. Tom leads Juliet over to a house where Ben is waiting with flowers. It turns out the house is a gift from Ben to Juliet for her help on the island. She doesn’t understand because she is only going to be on the island for six months. Poor Juliet! She has no idea Ben isn’t letting her go anywhere anytime soon. I’ve always wondered how many of the Others were brought there under false pretenses and then forced to stay.

Back on the beach we’re with Jack’s crew. Juliet is trying to put up a lean-to pole and Sun comes over to help her. Why aren’t Sun and Jin in this season at all? We’re six episodes in and all I get out of Sun and Jin are grunts. Jack comes over and wants to know where Daniel and Charlotte are. Nobody knows but Jin says that they went into the jungle. Jack wants to know why Jin didn’t say anything and in broken English Jin says, “You told us they were friends.” Oh Jack, maybe you shouldn’t be so trusting. They all strike out to find the two and of course it’s raining. They separate to search and Juliet finds herself all alone and the island starts whispering to her. I bet if we played those whispers backwards to forwards they would be saying “Paul is dead.”

Poof! Harper is behind Juliet. She tells Juliet she has to stop Daniel and Charlotte because they’re going to the tempest to release gas that is going to kill everyone on the island. She knows this because Ben told her to tell Juliet to stop them. She also says that Ben is exactly where he wants to be. I knew Ben was having a lot of fun torturing Locke’s brain with tiny tidbits about the island. Jack shows up, the island starts whispering, and Poof! Harper is gone. Juliet and Jack start heading for the tempest, whatever that may be.

Flashback: Juliet is at a medical facility and just lost a patient. She just got to the island and I suppose this is the first pregnant woman who has died on her watch. She hears something in the other room and goes to see what it is. There is a guy in the other room looking for gauze for a burn on his arm. Juliet talks a whole bunch of shit about Harper to this guy and it turns out he is her husband. His name is Goodwin and I can totally tell these two are gonna get it on. Juliet gets it on with everyone.

We’re back to real time and Jack wants some answers. Juliet doesn’t really tell him anything and Jack drops it. This is starting to piss me off. If a bunch of people dropped in on the island with gas masks and then wouldn’t tell me why they had them I’d turn Sayid loose on them until they started telling me why they had gas masks. Jack really sucks sometimes. Kate stumbles on Daniel and Charlotte. She gets knocked out for asking questions.

Flashback: Juliet is explaining to Ben why pregnant women on the island die. During the second trimester the immune system turns on the fetus. Ben starts looking through the microscope and to see something and puts his hand next to Juliet’s. She pulled her hand away pretty quick and looks like she just realized Ben did that on purpose. Goodwin busts in to offer Juliet a sandwich and Ben doesn’t look amused. In a minute Harper is going to tell Juliet that she knows Juliet is sleeping with Goodwin and that Ben is going to hurt Goodwin if she continues getting it on with her husband. But right when Ben made that face I knew he had a crush on Juliet and was going to kill Goodwin at some point. Harper also says that Juliet “looks just like her.” I don’t know who “her” is.

Locke is gutting something. He knows how to do everything. Claire comes over and says she wants to talk to Miles. Locke doesn’t want to let that happen but Claire makes a pretty good case that she might get more answers out of him than Locke. I think she’s right. Locke takes Ben dinner and Ben offers Locke a deal. If Locke lets him live in a house he won’t leave or run away and he’ll tell Locke who is behind everyone on the boat.

Flashback: We go to that scene where the plane is breaking apart and Ben is looking up at the sky and sending people off to go find out who the survivors are. He sends Goodwin off to the tail section. This is totally some way to get Goodwin away from Juliet. This episode is really easy to guess things about.

In real time Jack and Juliet find Kate in the bushes. Juliet says she’ll go get some water. Kate tells Juliet that she ran into Daniel and Charlotte and they had gas masks. Jack gets that crazy look in his eye and then starts calling for Juliet. She’s gone out on her own to find Daniel and Charlotte.

Locke takes Ben upstairs and tells him the combination to a safe hidden behind a painting. Inside there is a tape marked Red Sox. Ben says he “taped over the game.” Ben is so sly sometimes. There has to be some sort of thing with the Red Sox going on. Remember when Ben keeps saying to Keanu Nolte (Frank) that he can’t believe the Red Sox won the World Series? Anyway the tape contains a video of Charles Widmore and a goon killing one of Ben’s men who unfortunately was discovered. Apparently Charles is the man behind who hired the people on the freighter. Ben makes a really good point involving mold in the shape of the Virgin Mary. Ben says to Locke, “If 5,000 people come to see mold how many people will come to see you?” Then Locke gives Ben the Widmore file and tells him that Widmore is going to exploit the island. Locke asks Ben who his man on the boat is and Locke says, “You’d better sit down for this.” It is totally Michael. I know it … I’m 90% sure at this point.

Ok the rest of the episode is pretty boring and all but this is what happens in a nutshell. Ben makes Juliet dinner and he is really creepy. Juliet almost stops Daniel and Charlotte from the releasing the gas but she fails. It turns out they were really trying to make the gas inert so Ben couldn’t use the gas himself. That was a little unexpected. Goodwin is killed and instead of just telling Juliet, Ben takes her out to show her his impaled corpse. Mmmmmmmm. Ben screams at her, "How could you possibly not understand that you're mine?” Juliet and Jack finally kiss. Ben comes hopping out of Locke’s cabin with sheets or something and heads into another cabin. Hurley and Sawyer can’t figure out why but Ben shouts out, “See you guys at dinner.” Ha!

• Why was Ben concerned about whether the rabbit Locke served him had a number on it?
• I wonder who Juliet reminds Ben of. It has to be his mom or Annie right?
• Ben is funny in a really creepy way. I think his crush on Juliet is a little pathetic. He just looked like a pissed off kid who didn’t get his way when he yelled at Juliet that she was his. Ben is smart and all but he’s totally like a teenager in so many ways.
• I don’t know how Ben’s man on the boat could be anyone but Michael. Why would Michael work for Ben unless Ben had something Michael wanted? I wonder if Ben snagged Walt again.
• Penny couldn’t know her dad hired the freighter right? I suspect she doesn’t know a lot of things her father does. Trying to buy off Desmond comes to mind.
• They talk about “the list” a bit and I really wonder what the list exists for and what qualifies you to be on “the list.” If you remember “the list” is what the Others use to pick people from the survivors to join them.
• Widmore owns a pharmaceutical company. The island seems to have some sort of healing powers. Does Widmore really want to exploit the island like Ben says? That seems too easy.

FNL Saved! (Perhaps)

Hooray!

ANTM Cycle 10: Underwear Edition

America’s Next Top Model – Top Model Makeovers
The ladies receive makeovers and model lingerie by Elle Macpherson, who makes an appearance at the photo shoot. Fatima and Allison cause friction in the house.

Allison is sick of all the screaming and clapping. I agree with her, except it turns out she is really stuck up. Fatima, who is apparently an accidental bitch (“I didn’t mean to!”) says that Allison is bigger than her. Allison. Who struggles with anorexia. Fatima is making enemies right and left.

For their challenge, the girls are taken to Wal-Mart where we hear all about how fabulous Wal-Mart and Cover Girl are, and how they have a new partnership. The girls have five minutes to pick out and put on their makeup. Claire wins.

Allison says Fatima “likes to take it in the back because she’s black.” This girl is going to die if she doesn’t get cut.

This is the makeover episode, and surprisingly nobody freaks out. It must be that ANTM has been on the air long enough, so they know what to expect. The marked improvements come in Marvita, Lauren, Katarzyna, Dominique, Amis, and Fatima. There is little complaining, except from Fatima, who cries the whole time. However, I forgive her because that weave looked awfully painful.

The photo shoot is for Elle MacPherson’s lingerie line, and the supermodel herself is there to give the girls advice. Most of them do really well, though Lauren is too awkward, Allison is too posed, Amis cannot take direction, and Dominique is too commercial. This is the girl who was told she looks like a transvestite in the last episode. Apparently she can’t win.

Almost all of the talking head interviews are with Allison, and she’s a cocky bitch, so it’s pretty clear she’s the one going home. Ironically, she has more modeling experience than the rest of them. Claire is voted model of the week by fans again.

In the judging room, the judges are harsh on all the girls, though the worst is when Paulina Porizkova tells Katarzyna she looks like “Russian Mail Order Bride #1.” In private, the judges bash Anya’s accent. If this girl is still around for the episode where they shoot a commercial – that is, have to talk in a commercial – she’s in trouble.

Considering how mean Jay was about Lauren’s shoot, it is a shocking when the judges decide she has taken the best photo. It comes down to Dominique and Allison and, thank goodness, Allison gets the chop.

Brain Kray-cow? Are you … Brain?

My So-Called Life – Resolutions
Everybody makes New Years resolutions they can’t keep. Rickie’s home situation puts him on his own odyssey, Brian and Jordan do some mutual tutoring, and Graham considers Hallie’s proposition.

We open with a little montage of everyone thinking about their New Years’ resolutions:

Angela: To stop getting caught up in my own thoughts. I’m way too introspective … I think.
Sharon: To never again have sex with Kyle, or anyone, unless I love and respect them.
Brian: To stop obsessing over Angela Chase.
Rickie: To find someplace where I really belong.
Angela: I’d better rethink this becoming less introspective thing.
Rayanne: To stop drinking. But this time, like, really stop.
Patty: To be less judgmental, less critical, more supportive.
Graham: To tell Hallie that I’m not going into the restaurant business.
Jordan: Wait a second. Isn’t tonight New Years Eve?
Angela: I’ll stay introspective. But I resolve to stop doing Jordan Catalano’s homework.

Rickie has moved in with the Chase family and the parents love him – he cooks, he cleans, he’s the perfect guest. After the kids go to school, Graham and Patty talk about how terrific Rickie is and how they wish they could adopt him. Rickie comes back in and overhears them … but only the part when Patty says he can’t stay with them forever. Not wanting to cause trouble, he lies and says he’s going home. Unfortunately, he then learns that his aunt & uncle have moved without leaving a forwarding address. I wonder if The OC took any inspiration from this?

Mr. Katimski is concerned about Rickie, who finally admits that he’s homeless. Katimski takes Rickie to the guidance counselor, who thinks she can get him into a group home. They don’t get their first choice, so she is forced to place Rickie in a less than desirable facility. Katimski goes home and talks to his partner about how he feels like should be doing more to help. This is the first time we see that Katimski is gay, and the brief but loaded scene shows that his attempts to help Rickie come with all sorts of baggage that would not necessarily burden a heterosexual teacher in the same position. Hating the group home, Rickie runs away and shows up in the middle of the night on Katimski’s doorstep.

Angela immediately breaks her resolution to stop doing Jordan’s homework, but then on his own initiative he tells her that he can't take advantage of her anymore. Angela signs Jordan up for peer tutoring, and he gets paired with Brian. During their first session, Jordan gets a girl’s phone number for Brian. Brian cannot get over the fact that Jordan so casually asked a girl for her number, so in exchange for Brian’s scholastic help Jordan offers to “tutor” him as well.

Although Graham and Hallie share a growing attraction, Graham finally admits to Patty that he wants to open the restaurant. When he goes to tell Hallie, she is inconsolable because her fiancé has just broken their engagement. It’s a well-done scene, with a nice subtle moment in which Graham takes a tiny step backward and folds his arms as Hallie breaks the news. Having said that, I think the will-they-won’t-they storyline is pretty weak. MSCL already established in the pilot that Graham was this close to cheating and decided against it. To throw the plot point in again with another woman just seems cheap.

We haven't had a chance to talk about my extramarital relationship.

Well, this is it -- the last time you will have to look at this stupid picture of people wearing beige [except Zoe, why is she in purple?]

Once & Again – Letting Go
Judy is still dating married sculptor Sam. And, though she was inconsolable when dear old dad died, she now causally says things like “With Dad being dead and all…” Rick catches Sam and Judy buying condoms, so the jig is up. Grace is weird to Jared, and he’s kind of like, “whatever, see you later.” Then there is a prolonged slow-motion shot of her watching him walk away. Good lord I hate this show. The whole ep is about how Judy and Sam have a really strong connection, but when it comes down to it Sam is unwilling to divorce his wife. Finally, Judy tells Sam that even though she loves him, they're not free to be together.


Once & Again – A Door About To Open
This ep uses the “flashback” feature familiar to viewers of such shows as Alias, where we open with a soft-focus view of Rick and and the Sammler kids arriving at Lily’s house for dinner, then go back 20 hours earlier and see how all this came to pass. Only finding out how these people came to be at the same house is quite different than, say, finding out how Sydney ended up hanging upside down, half-naked, with a bullet in her shoulder and a Rambaldi artifact in her teeth. But I digress.

Lily, still in the throes of grieving for her father, decides to stop putting things off plans a dinner so the kids can meet. Eli is noncommittal, Jessie is wary, Zoe is intrigued, and Grace is casual. Grace learns that Eli’s new girl Cassidy is cheating on him, and tries to tell him. Two of Cassidy’s twig-skinny friends gang up on Grace in the girls’ locker room, and even though she could easily break them in half she lets herself be bullied. Eli is pissed at Grace, but then sees Cassidy kissing some random douchebag. Meanwhile, Lily discovers that her friends have all abandoned her for Karen since Lily is boring and lame and talks about Rick nonstop.

One of the very few things that I do like about this show is Jake’s girlfriend Tiffany. Yes, Jake started seeing her when he was still married to Lily. But he’s still seeing her. She’s cute and loves Jake’s kids and tries so hard to be a good person, and I just love her. Additionally, I love the fact that in this ep, Karen goes to Judy’s bookstore and the two bond. The two people I like the best on this show, together at last.

Rick is increasingly put upon by Miles and is forced to cancel the dinner. Naturally Lily guilt trips him, and the ep ends with the two lovers bringing their kids together. But what will happen next?!? As far as cliffhangers go, this one is B-O-R-I-N-G.

For those who care, this is what happens over the next two seasons:

Season 2
Rick's firm is handpicked for a new high-profile project, but is bogged down by legal troubles and Karen is the lawyer representing the project's opposition. Lily, working at a dot-com, struggles with a flirtatious co-worker. Eli would rather start a band than go to college; Jessie may be anorexic; Grace becomes friends with a troubled girl; and Zoe worries about Rick and his kids moving into her house. In the season finale, Rick and Lily get married.

Season 3
Rick, Lily, and the kids attempt to live under one roof. Jake gets Tiffany pregnant and realizes his feelings for her; Judy and Sam rekindle their relationship; Karen struggles with depression; Eli turns to drugs; Jessie explores a lesbian relationship; and Grace starts a relationship with a teacher to the detriment of his career.

Did you ever have one of those fights where it feels like the fight is having you?

My So-Called Life – So-Called Angels
An angel arrives at Christmas to watch over a homeless Rickie while Sharon and Rayanne man the phones at the Teen Crisis Hotline.

This seems to be the one MSCL episode everyone dislikes. It tries to impart a powerful message about homeless kids, but falls a little flat. Quite the tear-jerker, though. Like the “Halloween” ep, “So-Called Angels” contains a surreal supernatural twist that does not fit the show. It is unfortunate that this ep is overlooked, though, because for every character except Angela it is quite compelling.

First, let’s get the crap out of the way. Angela meets a homeless girl (played by Juliana Hatfield) and realizes what a thin line divides them. In the end, it turns out that the girl died several years ago, and is an angel who brings the Chase family together on Christmas Eve. Blech.

Rickie’s abusive uncle has beat him to shit and kicked him out of the house, so he is living on the street. Jordan finds him one cold night, and takes him to a shelter after admitting that his own father used to hit him. Sharon is in charge of manning the help line on Christmas Eve, and somehow she enlists Rayanne’s help. Meanwhile, Brian’s parents have left him home alone for the holidays while they go on a cruise. Desperately lonely, Brian calls the help line. Recognizing his voice, Rayanne thoughtfully gives him a touch of phone sex to get his mind off his sadness. This is way cuter than it sounds.

The interesting thing about this episode that while Angela keeps saying “she could be me” while talking about the homeless girl, what it really gets across is “she could be everyone else.” Jordan and Rickie are physically and emotionally abused by their fathers. Rayanne’s mother is checked out when it comes to her wild daughter. Brian’s parents have trouble connecting with their son, leaving him utterly lonely. In many ways, these characters are on their own.