We're not just friends...we're brothers.

How I Met Your Mother – Miracles
In the season three finale, Ted has an accident and his close call with death finds him reevaluating his life and his relationship with Stella.

This finale had everything you’d expect: Stella invites Ted to a wedding that is six months away, so he breaks up with her. Then, he gets into a car accident and all his friends rush desperately to the hospital to learn that he’s fine – only he has realized he never should have dumped Stella. He says that in a near-death experience, your life doesn’t flash before you. You only see the things you love. Stella, who doesn’t realize they’ve broken up, shows up and everyone’s all, “How cool of you to show up even though Ted just dumped you.” So then she dumps him.

Meanwhile, Lily calls Barney to tell him about Ted’s accident, and Barney runs all the way to the hospital and gets hit by a bus. There is kind of a weird scene where he’s in traction and asks Ted if they can be friends again and Ted says, “We’re more than friends, we’re brothers.” And then Ted and Barney and Marshall all start to cry. With Barney’s permission, Ted runs off to win back Stella, and Marshall asks what Barney saw in his near-death experience. And what did Barney see? BOO-YAH! He saw Robin! He doesn’t say that though.

Ted finds Stella and asks her to marry him, and that’s the end.

Sounds like that bitch had it coming.

How I Met Your Mother – Everything Must Go
When Barney and Abby realize that they have one thing in common – their mutual hatred of Ted – the “couple” goes to the bar to flaunt their new relationship. Desperate to get a rise out of his former pal, Barney pops a surprising question to Abby.

Though I have never seen a bad episode of HIMYM, this one lacked oomph.

Storyline #1: Marshall tells Lily she needs to sell all of her designer clothes and accessories because the cost of fixing their crooked floors will be more than expected. Lily tries to sell her paintings instead. She fails miserably, until a veterinarian sees one and discovers that Lily’s art “speaks to the canine sensibility.” He buys four paintings, and the kids get enough money to finish the floors.

Storyline #2: We learn that Abby (Britney Spears) is the one who was bad-mouthing Barney all over town in “The Bracket.” She is also upset that “lame and awesome” Ted is dating Stella. She and Barney pretend to be a couple to make Ted mad. Or something. This makes no sense, since Ted doesn’t care a bit about either of them. Trying to get a reaction from Ted, Barney proposes to Abby. She thinks he’s serious; he thinks she knows they’re doing a bit. In the end, Barney says that Ted asked him not to marry Abby because he, Ted, is in love with her. Abby is thrilled.

Again, when the story doesn’t focus on Robin, the writers give poor Cobie Smulders NOTHING to do. And … woah. I googled her name to make sure I spelled it right and according to Wikipedia her full name is Jacoba Fransisca Maria Smulders. And she really is Canadian. Ted didn’t have much to do either, besides boast about how he can pull of red cowboy boots. Which he totally cannot.

Surprisingly, this ep was also bit light on fab quotes. Abby’s laments about Ted being “lame and awesome” were basically it … although I did love when Lily told Ted she yelled at a little girl in her class who only draws rainbows and Ted replied, “Sounds like that bitch had it coming.”

Finally, if you feel like doing some good, HIMYM is having a sale to benefit Childrens Hospital Los Angeles. Go to www.marshallandlilyselltheirstuff.com.

The other website mentioned, http://guyforceshiswifetodressinagarbagebagforthenextthreeyears.com, is also real. But no good will come of it.

It's like your virginity: the sequel.

How I Met Your Mother – Rebound Bro
Ted betrays Stella by sharing an intimate secret with his friends, which threatens his relationship with her.

Plotline #1: Ted tells his friends that he and Stella haven’t had sex yet. She wants to take things slow, and Ted is ok with waiting. Soon after, though, a desperate Ted tries to have sex with Stella in her office, and she admits that she hasn’t had sex in five years. Ted immediately tells his friends. Stella decides that she’s ready to sleep with Ted, and they plan an intimate night at a hotel. Ted starts to feel a lot of pressure because “it’s like her virginity: the sequel.” Lily says that Stella “needs it so bad that anything you do will seem like fireworks.” Marshall tells Ted to lower Stella’s expectations. When Stella comes to pick up Ted and runs into Marshall and Lily, the couple makes it clear that they know about her little secret. Stella is not cool with that. She says there’s always a reason not to sleep with a guy, and Ted just gave her his. He accuses her of looking for a reason to be mad at him just because they’re getting serious and she’s scared. The next day, Stella admits she overreacted. She says she’s in. It’s cute. And then she takes him to meet Lucy, her daughter.



Plotline #2: Barney, trying to save face, tells Ted he has to let him go. The gang wants them to get back together, and Robin asks why Ted’s not as mad at her. Ted says he’s not mad, he’s just outgrown Barney as a friend. Randy, a guy at work, offers to be Barney’s new wingman, but Barney rejects him, telling him this job is like “vice president of awesome” and Randy is “assistant undersecretary of only okay.” Barney tries to recruit some old friends but learns they’re all either settled down or already have other bros. Unable to find anyone, Barney finally relents and asks Randy to be his wingman. And Randy is adorable, taking notes when they hang out and eagerly explaining that he’s been reading Barney’s blog for years. Unfortunately he can’t talk to women, but he does mutter to himself, hide under a table, and get a nosebleed when he gets an erection. Trying to pick up a girl, Randy tells her she’s a fat, ugly whore. So, Barney calls Robin to act as a stand-in so Randy can practice. Robin points out that Randy is just a rebound bro, so Barney breaks up with him.

In other news, Ted’s son has gotten really old. This episode was not the best ever, but it wasn’t terrible. It certainly had its moments, like Barney’s old friend who is ready to party with Cranium and 27 Dresses. But Barney needs to be let back in the group again. And poor Robin. When she’s not the focus of an episode, she really doesn’t do much. And now I leave you with my favorite bit…

Barney describes Ted to Randy:
Barney: When I met him, he was an even bigger loser than you.
Randy: What a loser.

Woah, goat turd on the floor, is that new?

How I Met Your Mother – The Goat
Barney breaks the “Bro Code” in a matter involving Ted, and has to deal with the consequences.

On Ted’s 30th birthday, we finally see the story of the goat (first mentioned in season one episode “Milk”). Robin and Barney wake up together. They decide to pretend that nothing happened, and they’re kind of cute together. Barney has a terrible time pretending and finds it difficult to be around Ted. He is super awkward and keeps thinking that everyone knows.

Barney tries to tell Marshall his secret, but Marshall covers his ears. So Barney tosses a bowling ball that Marshall is forced to catch, and takes the opportunity to tell Marshall that he slept with Robin. Marshall is horrified. Barney hires Marshall as his “lawyer” to study the “Bro Code” and prove that he did nothing wrong. It’s a testament to the writing that this new, contrite side of Barney didn’t feel “wrong.” Barney is unscrupulous, even towards his friends (i.e. making Ted grow a mustache he knows will look ridiculous) – but never about anything really important. Shopping at Sky Mall when he’s depressed is totally in step with his materialistic character.

Lily brings a farmer and his goat into her classroom and when kids ask if they’ll get to see Missy the goat again, the farmer says he’s having her slaughtered. So Lily brings her home, with a plan for Animal Rescue to pick her up on Monday. Marshall arrives at the apartment, acting horribly awkward, so Robin instantly knows that he knows. She threatens him, telling him not to breathe a word.

Marshall cannot find a loophole in the Bro Code and Barney is upset because he just wants to feel better. His next move is to show that Ted has broken the Bro Code before, but Marshall proves that Ted has always upheld the code. Marshall tells Barney the only way to feel better is to tell Ted what he did.

Barney picks up Ted in a limo to take him to his surprise party, but tries to take him to Vegas instead, to prove what a good friend he is. He starts to tell Ted that he slept with Robin, but Ted already knows. Turns out Robin was unable to keep the secret. In a flash back, Robin breaks when Ted shows her a picture he has found of the two of them on vacation. She is earnestly repentant, and Ted tells her he’s not mad. He says the same thing to Barney, but he’s totally lying. Back at the party, we learn that Lily knows too, and she asks if it was amazing and if Barney was “all smooth down there.” Back in the limo, Ted punches Barney in the crotch.

In a suddenly serious turn for HIMYM, Ted tells Barney that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. He calls a cab, and Barney looks like he’s about to cry.

At the very end, adult Ted starts to tell the story of how the goat locked herself in the bathroom and ate Robin’s washcloth. Then he stops and says, “Wait, Robin wasn’t living there during my 30th birthday. The goat story happened during my 31st birthday.” What?!?!

To be perfectly honest, I do not pay as much attention to the time line of HIMYM as I could. But, in the second season episode “Single Stamina” when Barney’s brother gets married, Robin and Ted slow dance at the wedding. We don’t know exactly where this scene fits into the overall time line, but let’s say it’s roughly 6-8 months after their breakup. The conversation they had with Lily and Marshall before they got up to dance implied that they were not together – Ted says something like “I think I’ll stay a little longer” and Robin says “Me too” – but who knows? That’s the sheer beauty of HIMYM.

The way the Robin-living-in-the-apt info was casually tossed out in the final moments of “The Goat” is indicative of everything I love about the show. What does it mean that in a year’s time, Robin will be living with Ted? Do they just become roommates, or will they rekindle their relationship? Or does Ted not live in the apartment at this future date? And, since we know (or think we know) that Robin is not the mother, does it even matter?

Is he somebody you went to Degrassi with?

How I Met Your Mother – Sandcastles in the Sand
Robin renews her relationship with an old flame that hurt her in the past, and she’s too blind with emotion to see that he’s still a loser.

I’ve found myself singing “Let’s Go to the Mall” the whole evening prior to this episode.

Robin’s old boyfriend Simon, who broke her heart, is in town and she’s excited to show off her hot self. The usual Canadian teasing ensues, from jokes that are elegant and well crafted (“Did he break up with you by saying he just wasn’t that Inuit?”) to crude and ill formed (“Something about fur trapping”). In the flash backs, Robin’s Canadian accent is hysterical. James Van Der Beek sounds like he’s trying to be Scottish, and he still looks exactly like Dawson. In the present, Simon is fat and bald, but Robin can’t stop giggling as soon as she sees him.

Simon is kind of mean to Robin, but she falls for him anyway. The gang learns that there is another Robin Sparkles video out in the world, and Barney is determined to track it down. Marshall introduces the notion of “revertigo,” whereby individuals revert to certain behaviors around people from their past. To illustrate, Marshall tells Lily to call her friend Michelle. When Michelle shows up, Lily stars talking all ghetto.

Simon dumps Robin again, in the same way and for the same reason. She ends up at the bar alone. Barney appears, frustrated that he can’t find her video, and finds her crying. He comforts her, telling her she’s one of the most awesome people he knows. The show teases up by making it seem like they’re going to kiss, and Robin invites Barney back to her place. One would hope it’s for sex, but really it’s to show him the second Robin Sparkles video.

It’s a ballad shot on the beach. And Tiffany and Alan Thicke are in it. It’s certainly no “Let’s Go to the Mall.” And then HOLY SHIT!! Barney and Robin start making out!



This has been a long time coming, and it’s thrilling. I don’t really expect anything to evolve between them – I mean really, we love Barney just the way he is – but I’ve always thought Robin might be the one girl who could make Barney change his ways. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if they have a secret sexual fling. Neither of them is relationship-oriented, so it could work … for a time. We have heard rumors that by the end of this season Ted will begin to turn his back on Barney and his wanton ways – could this be the reason? I can’t imagine the young Mosby will react well to the news.

Your report is the crap that crap craps!

How I Met Your Mother – The Chain of Screaming
After being verbally berated by his boss, Marshall questions whether the decision to work for a big corporate law firm was his best career move.

Ted is dating Stella (what?) and buys a new car. Even though he lives in New York. Stella’s not actually in the episode, they just talk about her. Robin and Barney fight about whether you can “call shotgun for eternity.” These two totally need to date. Or at the very least, do it. A shell-shocked Marshall shows up needing beer because he’s been screamed at by one of the senior partners of the firm. Furious that he’s stuck in a job he hates instead of saving the environment, Marshall has burst into tears in front of his boss.

Each of Marshall's friends suggests a course of action, "acting out" their solution as Marshall. This was quite funny, except Ted's was kind of lame. Robin suggests threatening said boss with a gun, then gets harassed about being Canadian (“Gun violence might solve all the problems in Canada”). Ted suggests an eloquent speech to sway the boss. Barney tells a story about a guy at work who got tired of being yelled at; told his boss to kiss his ass; then died poor, destitute, and alone. The lesson is, “When your boss screams at you, don’t scream back.” Lily suggests that Marshall be positive and respectful to enact change.

The next night, Ted finds Marshall on the street with a box full of his possessions. We flash back to the previous night and see that after all the advice-giving, Marshall went to a diner to work on a report. Barney shows up and tells Marshall to scream at someone to make himself feel better. Marshall tries to scream at the waiter, but the waiter screams right back at him. So Barney tells Marshall to scream at him, and during the tirade Marshall realizes that he may someday turn into Barney if he stays in corporate America. We flash forward into the boss’s office, and learn that Marshall finally got so furious about the fact that he hates his job that he quit.

Marshall is terrified to tell Lily he has thrown away their future (wow Marshall is uber-dramatic), but of course she’s a fantastic wife and tells him not to worry about anything. In the end, Ted sells his car and gives Marshall the money.

Overall a good ep ... but tell me, am I crazy? Why does everyone in blogworld seem to think that Stella is the mother? I mean, I have to assume Ted's children know their own mother's name. The show has always painted Ted's kids as exasperated that they're being forced to listen to this rambling story. Wouldn't the kids be like "great story dad, thanks!" as soon as they heard their mom's name? I guess maybe the writers could do some kind of switcheroo to make this work, but I do not see how Stella could be the mother. Anyone care to convince me?

Two great tastes that taste great together!

Eeeeeeeee!

One of the girls I lied to, seduced, and abandoned is trying to ruin my life.

How I Met Your Mother – The Final Four
Barney tries to find the mystery woman who is out to ruin his reputation, and he uses the basketball tournament-bracket to eliminate 64 suspects, all of whom have reasons to hate him.

During March Madness, Barney continuously strikes out when hitting on girls. He keeps getting slapped and he can’t figure out what’s going on. Later, he and Lily are at the bar and when he leaves the table an anonymous girl comes up and tells Lily that Barney will do whatever it take to get in her pants. Barney realizes that some girl from his past is trashing his reputation all over town, so he sets up a bracket to figure out which of the many, many girls it could be.

As the group goes through Barney’s scrapbook of girls he’s slept with, Lily says all the girls have a right to hate him. Robin stands up for Barney, saying any woman who sleeps with him knows what she’s getting into. The group turns the whole thing into a party, fighting over which girl gets to move on in the tournament, and we hear a terrific list of lies Barney has told in order to get girls into bed (you have my wife’s kidney, owner of Google, fake baby). At the end, they all feel sad and a little dirty. Except Barney, of course.

After they narrow it down to four girls, Barney and Lily track them down one by one, but Lily refuses to ID the girl unless Barney apologizes. Fantastically, two of the four girls are ones we have met in previous episodes. We see the girl Barney took to someone else’s apartment and then left her there to get arrested for trespassing, and we see the girl Barney met the night he pretended to be “Ted Mosby, architect.” Unfortunately, none of the girls is the girl.

The group sets up a sting, with Barney pretending to hit on Robin. When Barney “goes to the bathroom” a girl approaches Robin, but Barney doesn’t recognize her. Surprisingly, Barney is shocked that he could not recognize someone he slept with and he actually apologizes, but it turns the girl is just a friend of Robin's from work. And then Ted’s voiceover says, “Eventually Barney did figure out who the girl was, but more on that later.” Could it be the mother?

The ep ends with Barney typing up his blog in a nod to Doogie Howser, M.D. It's really not that clever. It's only like 20% funny … and 80% lame.

Sloppy joe, shrimp cocktail, and a milkshake.

How I Met Your Mother – Ten Sessions
Ted is repeatedly snubbed in his attempts to get a date with Stella, his dermatologist, but her receptionist Abby becomes infatuated with him.

When I first read the TV Guide preview about this episode (above), I thought,"Wait, Ted falls for another dermatologist?!?" Fortunately, the ep focused less on the fact that she was a dermatologist and more on the fact that he was getting a butterfly tattoo removed. There is a bit of chatter on the web about whether Stella could be the mother we've all been waiting to meet, and whether adult Ted's kids could actually be her kids. However, this ep told us that Stella has one 8-year-old daughter, and there is no way the daughter we see in the flash-forwards is 8 years (or more) older than the son.

I also keep seeing stories online today about how Britney's performance on HIMYM is a huge step forward for her. She was kind of a bad actress, but I can forgive that because she isn't an actress to start. It was nice to see Sarah Chalke (Stella) again, who was terrific as always. Overall an enjoyable episode, except the speed date that Ted orchestrates at the end was sort of lame. I particularly disliked that they kept getting in and out of the taxi. There was also a distinct lack of focus on the other friends. Particularly Marshall. Boo.

But, there were two moments of pure HIMYM genius, perfect examples of why I love this show: great attention to detail and a nicely conveyed sense of everything coming together to lead Ted to his fate.

#1: Barney convinces Ted that Stella likes guys with mustaches, so naturally Ted grows one. Then, we flashback to a year earlier, where we see Barney bet anyone $10 he can get Ted to grow a mustache, and we see Ted take the bet.
#2: Ted can't believe Stella can know what her answer will be to a question he won't ask for 10 weeks. He asks his friends if they know what they will want for lunch in 10 weeks, and Marshall responds, "sloppy joe, shrimp cocktail, and a milkshake." 10 weeks later, guess what Marshall is eating? But what I love is that the writers don't shove it down your throat. Marshall's not crowing about how he knew what he would want for lunch, waving his milkshake in everyone's faces. Instead, it's a relatively subtle reveal that some viewers may have missed entirely if they weren't paying attention.

How is "racist ghost" better than "crooked apartment?"

How I Met Your Mother – No Tomorrow
Ted decides to live like Barney on St. Patrick’s Day, which involves activities that would make a saint blush.

The above description, from TV Guide, is kind of misleading as nothing that bad happened in last night's ep. Ted tries to live like hedonistic Barney for a night and enjoys it until it he realizes that he's been a complete tool. Marshall and Lily discover that their new, expensive apartment has crooked floors, so they have to move back in with Ted while they get them fixed. Which certainly will be a long process. And Britney Spears guest stars next week, which makes me shudder. Ugh. However, the reappearance of HIMYM (plus a recent viewing of some Undeclared eps) has rekindled my love for Jason Segel. Also, Josh Radnor went to my college. I discovered this when I received an alumni bulletin not too long ago. Crazy!

You just got slapped.

Although I watch -- and LOVE -- How I Met Your Mother, I don't blog about it because I really don't think there's anything to write about. However, if you would like to relive Marshall's song "You Just Got Slapped," today is your lucky day.

In other news...
* A Chuck recap on BuzzSugar.
* Midseason replacement news.
* Cuddy talks about House.
* An interview with the guy who plays my new favorite TV character.

Sorry I'm so boring today, folks.

Being sick sucks...

And it means that I was too exhausted to watch How I Met Your Mother last night. Boo. Here is someone who did watch it.

However, I have nabbed myself two more guest bloggers, so very soon the content of this blog will expand beyond my meager offerings of non-cable TV. What joyous news!

In other news...
* Ellen & Portia claim they are not breaking up, but who knows?
* Heroes spoiler alert.
* Jennifer Garner is fabulous, as always.
* Adorable TV-based Halloween costume ideas.