90210 S1E4: "I've made a ginormous mistake."

“The Bubble”

Fourth episode, and nary an ill-advised sexual encounter to be had. I think this may be the most boring teen “drama” I’ve ever seen. It’s certainly more wholesome than the original series.

Grandma Lucille becomes director of the school musical (what?), eventually being replaced by Brenda Walsh.

Naomi doesn’t understand why her mom puts up with her cheating son-of-a-bitch dad. With all her family issues, she’s like Marissa Cooper without a drinking problem. “Drama” occurs when Naomi snakes her dad’s BlackBerry and sees that he’s been talking to his girlfriend, Gail. Um, yeah, so? We already know they’re dating. Anyway, she confronts Gail only to learn that Gail loves dad, and dad has moved Gail to Beverly Hills and set her up in the family’s beach house.

Ethan asks Annie on a date. So does Ty. She accepts Ethan’s proposal and rejects Ty, so he’s like, “Whatever, I’m the richest hottest guy in school, NBD.” Ethan then stands Annie up. He has a decent reason, though – his brother Stephen has severe OCD (or is autistic? who knows, they don’t tell us) and loses his shit when the housekeeper moves their furniture around. Naomi stops by to complain about her dad and ends up calming Stephen down, reminding Ethan of all the good times they used to have. In the end, she makes a play to get him back and he agrees.

After being stood up by Ethan, Annie tries to win Ty back by baking him snickerdoodles. He’s standoffish until she kisses him, and then he’s all “Wow, you’re so fucking cute I can’t resist.” Seriously?

Meanwhile, it is ON between Silver and Dixon. There is lots of flirtation and they even chat about wanting to go out on a date…though they never actually make one. Also, the freeze between Naomi and Silver begins to thaw after Dixon claims that boys don’t hold grudges against each other and Silver sees the error of her ways. Obviously Dixon has never seen Dawson’s Creek.

Dixon gets a job at the Peach Pit and his big drama this episode is that his job interferes with his schoolwork. I know – makes for compelling viewing, right?

Finally, in what is possibly the most tedious “reveal” in TV history, we learn that Dylan is the father of Kelly’s child, and Brenda accuses Kelly of still being in love with him.

I don’t have much to say. This show is utterly lackluster, and all the characters remind me of others who have come before, but done a better job. That being said, the scenes from next week’s episode look mildly promising as far as drama goes, showing implied coitus that ends with Annie sobbing in a corner. Finally.