90210 S1E3: "It would be weird if you banged a teacher."

"Lucky Strike"

Boots here, with a clarification: I referred to the 90210 mom as “Celia” in the last post because even though I swore her name was Debbie the CW website said it was Celia. It’s not. It’s Debbie. But anyway, since I was watching Fringe on Tuesday Hans was kind enough to blog 90210 for me. But then, the CW re-aired the episode last night, so got to watch it. I actually thought it was better than the first … but still not good. And now, we go to Hans…

We don't need to get into a lot of details here. Tons of people watched the debut of 90210 last week. As some of you are aware, the ratings dropped drastically (30%) on the 2nd night because it wasn't that good. It's catty, full of gossip, pandering to teenage stereotypes, and full of tiny skinny girls who are 20 trying to look 15 (which they actually do a good job at). My response to that is, "eat a hamburger."

I don't want to summarize in great detail because I think that if you care about my reaction you've probably already seen the episode. Here's the quick and dirty. Parents want a family night on a Friday but the kids have stuff they'd rather do with their new Beverly Hills friends. The parents insist on going bowling, so to thwart their plan the kids invite all their Beverly Hills friends to show up at the bowling alley "randomly.” All these events occur in perfect order so the kids get their way and their parents let them do what they wanted to do in the first place. The only notables are that Silver and Dixon totally have crushes on each other, Ethan and Annie totally have crushes on each other that are doomed to work out this season but will play out later, and Naomi's dad is hooking up with some lady who lives out of town. Naomi's mom is completely OK with this because she has an open relationship with Naomi's dad because he's rich and gives her lots of shiny things. Naomi is messed up about it because she's 15 or something like that. Whatever, daddy bought her a car to make up for not taking her to Vegas so he could sleep with his GF from another state.

I don't have much to say as far as observations go. Kelly Taylor's kid is totally Steve Sanders' kid. He's blond and has curly hair. Tonight she said it was a, "friend from high school who showed up four years after high school and they hooked up." So it’s Brandon, Dylan, or Steve. I suppose it could be Dylan because obviously the guy is a total douche for leaving her high and dry with a kid, but I still think it's Steve because of the way the kid looks. [Boots says: I think it’s Dylan; Brandon is too responsible to leave Kelly alone with a kid and the kid's blondness means it's too obvious if it's Steve]. I’m sure we'll find out who the baby daddy is in the next two weeks or so.

Silver and Kelly's mom, Jackie, is a drunk. We know this from the original. Apparently she hasn't changed, except now she likes the drink more than the coke. I still don't know where she gets the money to live in Beverly Hills but that's a conversation for another night. They estimated Monica's apartment in Friends would have cost close to a million a month to rent in New York, so who cares about reality on TV right? Anyway, Dixon finds Silver sleeping in a car because Jackie is a maniac drunk. Debbie and Harry are the good parents so they help Silver out, but Harry tells Kelly what's going on. Kelly tries to talk to Jackie, but because she's just a drunk old beyotch she ends up throwing Silver out of the house. So Kelly takes Silver home with her. I can live with that kind of drama.

My reaction to all of this is pretty much what you'd expect. I want some more Brenda. At the very least I want to confirm she looks as old and haggard as she did in the first episode because she did! I want more Nat. Why no Peach Pit scenes? This show isn't totally stupid but it's kind of stupid. I guess I shouldn't expect more but it seems like a rip-off of something. They throw new, hip music in like the OC, but it seems more like junior high drama than typical TV high school drama. I want an unplanned pregnancy, an abortion, zits, fuck anything other than what I'm getting. Dixon said it best when he said that the family he's living with is the Cosbys. I suppose the Walshes were the Cosbys too, but seriously. It's not 1994 anymore. I need drama, I need hi-jinx, I need scandal, and I need teenagers acting irresponsibly. They'd better get this straight soon or I'm deleting this from my DVR and will resume patiently twiddling my thumbs for the return of Battlestar Galactica and Lost. Back to you, Boots…

What is the deal with these kids?!?! No drinking, no smoking, no casual sex ... and it's cool to go bowling and be in school musicals. I started to feel really sorry for Naomi in this episode. When she saw her dad making out with that woman in the parking lot, Adriana's all, “That’s not your mom.” Come on, writers, a little subtlety! What, just in case Naomi doesn’t know what her mom looks like, Adriana is there to helpfully remind her? If the writers can get their shit together, Naomi could be a really interesting character. I also enjoyed the Dixon-Silver flirtation. And, despite my own wishes, I am sucked in by the Ethan-Annie relationship. I mean, Ty ditches her and doesn’t even apologize, and the next morning Ethan texts just to say hi. Cute! And, when Ethan asks Annie to "get some air" at the bowling alley it was so awkward and adorable! I liked the fact the Jackie is still a drunk, despite all Kelly's attempts to help her in the original series. And finally, to soothe Hans’ ragged nerves, from the promo photos on the CW site it looks like Dixon will begin working at the Peach Pit in the next couple of episodes. I give it two more weeks … if it’s not better (or canceled) by then I will bid 90210 adieu. As EW says, “You know when Jennie Garth is still at the center of 90210, you’ve got to worry.”

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