90210 S1E5: "Not everyone is a ho-bot like you."

“Wide Awake and Dreaming”

And 90210 continues in its quest to be the most boring show on television. The implied sex from the commercials is part of the SCHOOL PLAY!

Annie is Adriana’s understudy for the school’s version of Spring Awakening, and Ade is missing rehearsals because she’s under a lot of pressure and is a drug addict. Harry catches Annie and Ty making out backstage, so Debbie has a poorly scripted sex talk with her daughter. The next day, Naomi joins the Annie & Silver at lunch for a chat. When did this happen? The girls tell Annie that Ty “has done everyone” and she’s next. Ethan and Naomi are blissfully happy. Silver tells Annie she’s not ready for sex.

Much like Cindy Walsh in the original 90210, Debbie’s character is kind of pointless. Harry is upset because he doesn’t want Annie to make the same mistakes that he made. I have to say I was wondering about this – they really glossed over the whole “I just found out I have a kid with another woman” storyline. Weird.

Before the play, Adriana’s mom reveals that she has invited a bunch of agents to see her daughter. Buckling under the pressure, Ade gets high and Brenda won’t let her perform. Annie takes her place. I’ve never seen Spring Awakening, but based on the fact that two teen characters have implied sex onstage and one song goes on about “the bitch of living” I do not believe it would be performed in a high school.

Annie asks Dixon for the condom he’s been carrying in his wallet for four years. You have to wonder about its efficacy. She then runs into Ethan, who has brought her flowers. She drops the condom, and Ethan tells her she cannot sleep with Ty. “Wouldn’t you rather save yourself for someone who cares about you?” he asks. “I tried that, it didn’t work out,” Annie sniffles with a meaningful look. Bitch please! These kids have known each other for, like, a month – if that.

At the hotel, Adriana shows up at Ty’s door. She tells him that Annie left the play with Ethan, and she saw the two of them making out. Ty is sad. Lemme guess what happens next. Downstairs, Silver finally attacks Dixon, and they make out on a pool lounge chair. Dixon is bummed that he gave away his condom, but Silver says it doesn’t matter because they’re going to take it slow.

Annie shows up to find Adriana in a towel and the shower running. Ade says that if Annie wants to wait, Ty is “just rinsing off.” Annie runs away. Adriana goes into the bathroom, and Ty isn’t even there. That’s pretty cruel. Annie goes home, puts on a happy face for her parents, and then collapses in tears in her bedroom.

There is no fucking way Spring Awakening would be a school musical.

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