ANTM Cycle 11: Wooo! Edition

Yes, this [unnecessarily] two-hour premiere was chock-full of skinny girls throwing their arms in the air and screaming “Woooo!” Set in Los Angeles this season, the premiere of ANTM had an unsettling “it’s 1950 but we’re pretending it’s 2010” retro-futuristic theme. I hope it does not continue because yikes, was it poorly executed.

Choice quotes of the night included:
“I come from a disadvantaged area but that doesn’t make what you could become”
“I’m Asian but my personality doesn’t match”
“My opinions aren’t close-minded, they’re traditional”

Shauran: can’t name a single fashion designer
Lauren Brie: blonde Barbie who describes herself as “exotic looking”
Analeigh: was a competitive figure skater
Clark: openly admits she will manipulate others to get ahead
Kacey: comes off as racist
Marjorie: French, looks indie, super insecure
Joslyn: has auditioned for ANTM 30 (!!!) times, super squeaky voice
Isis: transgendered beauty who was “born the wrong body”
Sheena: super confident, talks about herself a lot
Lindsey: too big to be a regular model, too small for plus-size
Brittany: is totally nondescript in every way
Hannah: grew up in Alaska with no electricity or running water
Elina: stunning vegan animal liberation activist lesbian
Nikeysha: says “heeey” too much, flashes the judges
McKey: tomboy who helps train her boyfriend, the cage fighter
Susan: Harvard English grad who can’t name a literary heroine
Samantha: California blonde who can’t name a single working model

They do a basic shoot, and Kacey, Lindsey, and Susan are chopped. The girls move into the loft and bombard Isis with questions. She is good-natured about it. Some of them are totally cool; others are completely freaked out. One girl says, “Walk around like that in a small town and you’d get shot.” Another says, ““My opinions aren’t close-minded, they’re traditional.” Sure they are.

The girls go to the Magic Castle and get one-on-one time with each of the judges. I kept hoping Neil Patrick Harris would make a cameo. I grow to like Sheena more than I expected. Isis does fantastically in her meeting with Nigel, though he comments that there is something “strange” about her. Supposedly the other judges don’t know about her situation until the judging room. Sure they don’t.

The theme is “Voting Is Sexy.” Each girl portrays a political issue. The good: Marjorie (immigration), Brittany (military), Elina (foreign policy), and Isis (privacy). Shauran and a couple other bitches are involved in Isis’ shoot and they say nasty things to try to throw her off. She rocks it anyway.

Marjorie, Elina, Samantha, Analeigh, Brittany, Sheena, McKey, and Isis are praised.

The first photo is Marjorie. The bottom two are Shauran and Nikeysha. Shauran is eliminated and she completely loses it, falling to the ground and sobbing her heart out. Good riddance!

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